Journal

11-19-2002

well, this is gonna end up like a fucking journal. hummm...yeah, tim got offline, fucker, i wanted to talk to him, omg, i dont like him like that, but hes fun to talk to...and mike broke up with me, so im single, and tim, even tho i know what everyone says that hes a fagassfucktard, but for some reason i feel like i can make the people who act like that change. i guess i care too much. i need to start caring about myself damnit. i think ill just go fucking, anti-social. my cousins got my pot leaf ring and i want it back. i havent seen it in fucking, over a month...i have maddys necklace, she thinks im a computer whizz, so today during oss she was like, "how do you find peoples emails on the internet?" and i was like "huh?" and shes like, "YOU SHOULD KNOW!! your a fucking computer whizz!! just like jess!!" and i was like "what?! me a computer whizz?! fuck that..." and again, im gonna go to the subject of mike, OMG!! i miss him so much, i wish he told me the truth about why he broke it off. *sigh* ive been thinking about him alot lately...and i smile everytime i think of it...i remember the day that i went to his house to "watch" the crow. good movie, well from what i saw...i got to his house, and he scared me, he was hidding bhind his moms car, and was on the phone with greg from florida (chris), and jumped out and said "boo" just like that, no yelling no nothing, it scared the shit out of me. then to top it off, his mom swings the door open and yells "ITS THE SPICER!!!" omg, i was so scared...then i went inside, and listened in on the convo with chris, and mike, and talked to chris for a bit, but mike was getting annoyed with it, so i hung up the phone, then i watched mike play his game for a bit, and then we went to his room to "watch" the crow. we started too, then he jumped on top of me, made sure i couldnt move, and started to tickle me...then we just laid together on his bed, and he put his arm around me, then we laid together, lol and just watched the movie. then i moved and he moved right next to me, and started to rub my stomach, he looked up and said to me, "im gonna lick your belly button" and i was like "dont you dare *wink*" and he did, it felt so nice...then he started to kiss my stomach...OMG....it was so nice....i loved every bit, then his hand just *slipped* up my shirt *wink wink* and i was happy, then he left his hand there and started to kiss my neck...we made out thru the whole movie, he started to put his hand down my pants but i moved it, and he was like "im sorry" and i was like "dont be" we just cant do that now" and he was like "yeah, i know"....then the movie was over and we watched ace venturea pet detective and his mom came in and yelled at him for having the door closed. but....that was it....i miss that night so much....omg....

well i was checking out my cousin's journal earlier, its perty kool. im not going into details about it tho. i hate writing things and then finding out that the people that i write about read what i write about them. so i usually just mention them here and there, unless its mike, then ill write alot about them. hummm.....to cope with the hurt of mike, ive been smoking myself up a storm, id head over to my ex's house, (which is fucking 5 mins away, so i can walk) and spend the weekend over there, watching these fucking kids while im stoned off my fucking ass. i get fucking stoned and then i spend my time thinking, thinking of random bullshit. and i hang out with ted. ted its awesome, i just dont know how to talk to him. my friend racheal makes fun of me when im stoned. so i usually fucking forget about mike. even tho i dont want to forget him, i do....but usually no one cares about my life, as long as i help them with theirs...you know, not being heard is really depressing...