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My Journal, go for it.
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11-19-2002
well, this is gonna end up like a fucking journal. hummm...yeah, tim got offline, fucker, i wanted to talk to him, omg, i dont like him like that, but hes fun to talk to...and mike broke up with me, so im single, and tim, even tho i know what everyone says that hes a fagassfucktard, but for some reason i feel like i can make the people who act like that change. i guess i care too much. i need to start caring about myself damnit. i think ill just go fucking, anti-social. my cousins got my pot leaf ring and i want it back. i havent seen it in fucking, over a month...i have maddys necklace, she thinks im a computer whizz, so today during oss she was like, "how do you find peoples emails on the internet?" and i was like "huh?" and shes like, "YOU SHOULD KNOW!! your a fucking computer whizz!! just like jess!!" and i was like "what?! me a computer whizz?! fuck that..." and again, im gonna go to the subject of mike, OMG!! i miss him so much, i wish he told me the truth about why he broke it off. *sigh* ive been thinking about him alot lately...and i smile everytime i think of it...i remember the day that i went to his house to "watch" the crow. good movie, well from what i saw...i got to his house, and he scared me, he was hidding bhind his moms car, and was on the phone with greg from florida (chris), and jumped out and said "boo" just like that, no yelling no nothing, it scared the shit out of me. then to top it off, his mom swings the door open and yells "ITS THE SPICER!!!" omg, i was so scared...then i went inside, and listened in on the convo with chris, and mike, and talked to chris for a bit, but mike was getting annoyed with it, so i hung up the phone, then i watched mike play his game for a bit, and then we went to his room to "watch" the crow. we started too, then he jumped on top of me, made sure i couldnt move, and started to tickle me...then we just laid together on his bed, and he put his arm around me, then we laid together, lol and just watched the movie. then i moved and he moved right next to me, and started to rub my stomach, he looked up and said to me, "im gonna lick your belly button" and i was like "dont you dare *wink*" and he did, it felt so nice...then he started to kiss my stomach...OMG....it was so nice....i loved every bit, then his hand just *slipped* up my shirt *wink wink* and i was happy, then he left his hand there and started to kiss my neck...we made out thru the whole movie, he started to put his hand down my pants but i moved it, and he was like "im sorry" and i was like "dont be" we just cant do that now" and he was like "yeah, i know"....then the movie was over and we watched ace venturea pet detective and his mom came in and yelled at him for having the door closed. but....that was it....i miss that night so much....omg....
well i was checking out my cousin's journal earlier, its perty kool. im not going into details about it tho. i hate writing things and then finding out that the people that i write about read what i write about them. so i usually just mention them here and there, unless its mike, then ill write alot about them. hummm.....to cope with the hurt of mike, ive been smoking myself up a storm, id head over to my ex's house, (which is fucking 5 mins away, so i can walk) and spend the weekend over there, watching these fucking kids while im stoned off my fucking ass. i get fucking stoned and then i spend my time thinking, thinking of random bullshit. and i hang out with ted. ted its awesome, i just dont know how to talk to him. my friend racheal makes fun of me when im stoned. so i usually fucking forget about mike. even tho i dont want to forget him, i do....but usually no one cares about my life, as long as i help them with theirs...you know, not being heard is really depressing...
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"If you can hear a piano fall, you can hear me comming down the hall" - White Stripes
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11-20-2002
hummm, still working on the site, and i dont have much to say, i talked to my friend mark and chris, it was fun. i guess. yeah. im listening to icp, I DONT HAVE ANYTHING TO FUCKING SAY. so im gonna leave you with this.
me nam is frank, i am from vergina, i dont spek inglash. i am a biddeford slut that lives in sanfrod. greg form forlida is my feind chris. he is a sanfrod slut that lives in wells. chris only washes thet his were me hoe. i lik to eat chikin stirips and rick piillif. my nam is amanda spicer. and i life in sanfrod. lik to msg my? GO FOR IT!
 11-21-2002
weewoo, weewoo, im a firetruck! woah, and anyways. my house is so cold. omg, i miss mike so much. i fucking dream about him, thats pretty bad. humm...i need to get off the subject of mike, i really do. i was reading a magazine today, i only had it cuz it had shit about kurt kobaine. i found it in oss, well, actually, maddy found it and said "oooo, kurt kobaine, he looks really cute in this picture" and i looked over and i was like "wow! lemme see!" and she handed it to me and i was like "sweet!" and i looked thru it and shit and it was kool. but i started a journal/poem notebook, all over the front i wrote "dont open" and some little symbols and shit with white out, cuz its black.
im getting concerned for myself, i dont talk to ppl. ive pretty much enclosed myself in my house and sit in the living room, comp. room, or my room just writing depressing/disgusting poems in my notebook. im starting to get scared. tim got kicked out of his house, and doesnt know where hes gonna live, but hes happy that hes out. im concerned for him too. and shawn, i heard that shawn's just disapeared and that ken's out looking for him. both me and maddy think that its cuz he wants ken to look for him, or he just wants people to worry about him, thats how shawn is, he does what he does for attention. i dont see why im worried about him, cuz i really dont like him. but whatever. i almost made the mistake of telling tim that he could stay here, at my house, haha, that would have been hilarious if i did, i dont think i want him here, i dont mind seeing him once and a while, but every day.....holy fuck thats not kool.
i tried to pierce my lip a second time a couple nights ago, it worked, but i had to take it out cuz it swelled, and i didnt have a real lip ring in it, i had a regular earing in it. so ya know, but yeah, it was kool for a while. i REALLY want my lip pierced 3 times, and i want my top lip done too. ohwell.
but im gonna stop writing now, cuz my foots asleep, and im tired of typing...
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"So i stand here, and wonder where i am, i got lost in your eyes, and you dropped me in the middle of no where, with no idea what to do..." - Me
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| i want this tatooed on my shoulder |
"What is a juggalo? Well he ain't a phoney. He'll walk up and bust a nut in your macaroni. And watch you sit there and finish up the last bit, Cuz you're a stupid ass dumb fuckin' idiot." - ICP
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