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The Real Amanda.

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How i really am.

For starters....

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I am Amanda Spicer. i dont have a mohawk anymore. i shaved it off, i have bitch bangs now. i lost my digi cam at my friend andreas house. but anyways about me:
 
Like i said before, im Amanda Spicer. i can type really well, but thats besides the point. i dont really consider myself "punk" but people say i am. im an extrovert, i love being around people, even tho i am loud im quiet too. i have my moments where i get deep into thought and dont pay attention to what your saying. im a stoner, im a drunk, im a junkie whatever you wanna call it. im bisexual. i have my moments. even tho i act like i dont like being touched or hugged, i do. i act like i dont like having pictures taken of me but i really love having my picture taken. i love my ex-bf, his name is Kel-c hes the sweetest guy on the face of the earth and makes up for everything i'm not. i love him to death even tho i havent told him yet. i have ADD so i switch from topic to topic as i go. i have trouble making plans with friends and like having things at the last moments notice. i can relate to many different things with people. i have my moments of saddness, depression, anxiety and so on. i smile alot, but thats how i cover up my depression. im a hopeless romantic...::sigh::, im a sappy person who daydreams alot. i like to talk about myself. i love all my friends. i get these moments of being over obsessed with possestions, like my bass guitar, and so on. my room is my resting place, its homely and keeps me calm. im not a clean person, i could live in a room with everything everywhere. i love cheeseburgers. i use the word love too much. im not satsified. ever. im always wanting more. if i had the chance, i would leave sanford and spend the rest of my days with all my friends in biddeford/saco/dayton. i hate my house. i have no privacy. i try to keep my promises, and i feel guilty if i dont. i hate depression. i make friends easily cuz im an easy going person. i love craziness. my favorite thing in the world is talking with friends. im really shy around ppl that i like, like kel-c, i love sitting and talking with kel-c. hes my favorite man in the world, i just wish that i could tell him that...

Here are some pictures....

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i love the internet. thats how i get ahold of all my friends. no one really sees the real side of me cuz i never really tell anyone. i guess its cuz im afraid that if i tell anyone i wont have anymore friends. i get jealous easily of the people i hang out with. i hate myself. i always ask people what it is about me that they like but they never answer me. i have the lowest self esteem of anyone i know. i exagerate alot. im like an japanime cartoon. i do big everything. my favorite color is orange. i love my bubblepipe. garfield is my favorite comic. i write comics. their stupid. i cant draw, i cant paint but i can write poems up the asshole. everyone tells me that my poems are awesome but i dont like any of them. i love kel-c caldwell. can you tell? im a touchy feely kinda person altho i dont act like it. i hate my parents. i hate my brother. i hate sanford. i hate the people that judge me for what i look like. i act like a badass thatll kick your ass but on the inside, im not.

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i love this boy. if you hurt him in any way at all, i will kill you.

Of me, just random pictures. old and new...

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i get depressed easily about little things. i bounce from mood to mood. i listen to punk rock music cuz its "cool". i dont really know the meaning of the word "cool" or "love" but i use them anyways. i have a really bad memory. i snowboard, i rollerblade, and i somewhat skateboard. when i get my liscence im going to drive to biddeford pick up my friends and take them places. i use people with out knowing it. when i do realize im using people i get really pissed at myself. im ugly. im annoying. im stupid. im numb. im anti-happy. i seem like i want pitty but i dont. i dont want people pittying me. my parents say everything is my fault, then deny saying it at all. im a reject. im the black sheep of the family, i dont get along with any of my family. i can tell lies that people will believe. i realize things when im stoned, and im numb without drugs. alcohol is my number one relaxer. im anti-many things but im also a hypocrite. i suck. and i hate myself. can you tell?
 
but of all the people im with, Kel-c makes me most happy. i love you kel-c.

now that you know me, are you scared?!